Memories...

My husband protects me, and i am in the inner sanctum.

It is an old temple, a sacred space with a sacred stone..
On it , is written all the knowledge of the world...

In this book is written my name and my number...
All that exists has a number...

For everything is held together by a sound...
Everything has a vibration and a name that describes the thing....
God and even the Beast they call Satan...

My husband protects me, and guards the door, so none who can harm me may enter...

We are both guardians of a secret...
It is like the golden child, with the halo of golden light, that we must protect at all cost..

So is truth...

My husband erects walls around me, not to keep me in, but to keep the world out, and i may only venture outside on his commands and escorted by his army, and his 4 horses.
One at each corner...
North, South, East and West...

For he has seen the world and all the evils in it..

And if i knew of them, i would know pain and suffering, and such things must never come to pass...

I cannot bear witness with my eyes, for i will cease to see the kingdom of Heaven and all its treasures within...
It is a world filled with unimaginable beauty and laughter....

To step outside is forbidden...
I would be tainted by the world...

And i would not understand, and it would  greatly trouble my heart...

But when the people speak, they say the walls are there to keep me ignorant, and they speak in hushed voices and they deceive me.

They convince me that i am a prisoner, if i knew what my husband knows, i would be free like him, to do as i please...
My eyes would be open ...
I would be as his equal..

And the poison is dripping from their lips, and i listen and like a poisoned fruit, i eat of it...
For the first time, i hide something from my beloved...


But it is i ,who is being deceived by vicious tongues, for they know the world and the evils within.
They know it will swallow me whole, and i will know suffering....
It will cause my soul to die...

I do not see that i am being betrayed, for one wants to steal from me..

They want my golden throne, and all the riches on it...

So when my husband is asleep, i venture outside alone, and all see is pain and suffering..
And as foretold, it troubles my heart..

Many open mouths demanding to be fed, and the need of the hungry is never satisfied...

And so i would give my own clothes to the naked, and give all my food to the hungry, and sell all my possessions, to help the poor, and yet it is never enough...
And so i despair...

And all of the people in their suffering, are in a state unknown to me..
So much darkness in their mind and soul, it engulfs me...

But still i cannot feed their hearts with joy and wise words, because they only care about their bellies...

There is more to life than bread alone, but they only hunger for it...

The people they listen,when i speak, but they would listen to a madman if they bellies were filled.

And so i feed them, and feed them , until i cannot even feed myself, and so i too feel hunger...

Three meals a day, they hunger for, and their hands are always open , asking for more...
You cure their boils and sores, and they give thanks to their Gods for it...

I was a servant of Heaven, , how have i become a slave to the need of the world...
It is a bottomless pit...
How can you fall so low?

Where are the Gods, in such a place, who are they?

And finally, when your sacks are empty and your resources are gone, they will despise you, and throw stones at you, saying where is my next meal?
.
And when you speak of the kingdom of Heaven  then, they will call you mad, and so you are what they say you are...
They will chase you away, and beat you....

 When your clothes have worn out and all your riches are sold, so then will you know the true meaning of loneliness...

There is no end to the tears you cry, for your eyes have witnessed what was forbidden...

And now there is nothing left, for the animals of the Earth have holes to go back to, but you do not have walls around you...

You have seen , there no light in darkness..
All there is pain, and suffering, and there is nothing  good, to learn ..

Was i beguiled by the snake who told me to go outside and see?
Was i betrayed?

One person cannot feed the world...

And so were the years of wanderings..

Asking many questions that do not need answers...
It is like wasting a great heart, for the sake of a clever mind
The mind is a faithful master...
and it exclaims, Eureka i can see...
and yet you are blind with both eyes....

The mind cannot explain what the heart already knows......
That there is no order in chaos...

Was i ever a seeker of truth, or did  i live in a  delusion ...
How can you explain what cannot be explained....

For evil has no reason to do evil..
He just does it,

what you have seen cannot be unseen...

So let Evil do evil , and know that there is love and only love is real, because love is good.

I walked in a world where there was no  love...
for none loved me...

My feet touched unholy ground, and still i kept this secret in my heart...

I saw the star shining in the night sky, and i walked towards it,...

I realized, that i am part of this light also...
Like the sun..

So now...
I run to the inner chamber ...
I long for the walls that my husband erected around me, long ago..
I long for the safety of this sacred space..

Those walls meant to protect me, cannot be demolished by time ,as they are made of solid Gold...
Like the temples of my ancestors..

I am the bird that longs to be in a cage, not as a prisoner, but to be protected,...

My cage keeps everything out...

I want to walk back to the inner chamber of the temple, and read form the sacred stone, once again...

There i will read from the book...

I will find the golden boy with the halo above his head...

This child that waits for me there..
It is my soul, intact that must return to me.

Protect the secret at all cost,
The light,  and the innocence..

The babe is free from sin, free from contamination, free from evil..
It is pure light, like a star that is shining in the night sky.

All beings were once a child, fed from their mother's breast...
Who could ever walk among sheep ,but a babe?

God was always the child and Saturn the opposite of it...

Satan, is the old serpent, for it is an old man, i tell you, full of deformities, and old age has not taught him anything.. for he devours his own children...

Satan stands for everything that is crooked. deformed and evil, never was a creature so ugly and monstrous. everything it touches, it corrupts instantly

 It empties all that is good...

It is not the dark side but the absence of all things, it is void of everything...

There is no light, it is absolute darkness...

The child is crowned with the sun, he is hope and divine joy.

Here is he Sun in the Tarot , but there is no card for Satan..
He is the adversary of all that is good...

Because there is nothing to learn from pain, suffering and darkness..

Do not be deceived by it, because it holds no truth...
The absence of truth is a lie...
and so Satan is a liar and a thief...

He consumes everything and his hunger for energy, is endless....
He is like the spider who lures the fly to the web, only to drink its blood..

He is a monster,  a beast full of deceit...

As we evolve through trials and tribulations of the wheel of life, and we learn, if there was to be a tarot card for Satan it would be black, all black, for there is nothing to learn from lies...

It is Absolute void...

A light even dim, means hope, there's no light in such a place..
Who could ever wish to live without light?

Even if i walked in Hell, i would have light coming from myself, like a star in the dark night, it would shine to light my way.

I am never truly lost, with the flame as my companion.

It is not in front of me, like the hermit, but within me..

I am made of that light, and it knows me..
whoever is of this light knows me also...
So is my twin flame..
There is a undefinable knowing....

Perhaps in that sense, i am also the star....
The cube is light, It is made of us and we are made of it....

For the flame of the candle lives within me...

Isn't it what the twin flame represents?

The flame and Love are the same exact thing..

Perhaps this is why we burn candles in a church
,
It is an old tradition to signify light...

The masculine is the keeper of this flame..
Like a shepherd he must tend to innocence, and keep the wolves away..
He is the keeper of the woman...

Without the feminine,the masculine cannot see, she is the eye, and he is the shield..
He is the guardian of the inner flame...

Purity says;

I am in the world but nor part of it, because i do not join in its evil...
Love amplifies everything, heals everything.....
Love is the divine healer...


The presence of the masculine is expressed, as i am here, everything is alright,

I think the divine masculine is here to comfort the divine feminine...


Being away from love , is to damn yourself , away from his protection...

you can see that Love and Fear are at the root of the same energy...

But they are opposites

One is full, and one is empty..
One gives and one steals...


Love is light, and fear is the absence of this light...

This will bring me to speak about what they call psychic vampire or energy draining..

But that will be for next time....