Love is the Savior...

My friend asked me the other day, what do you want out of life?

And i didn't know what to say, except that  i want to be happy obviously...
But that's very vague...

In fact, i feel that i don't want anything....

I am not living in expectations of my twin , even though i am working towards re connection to him..
I am not pining after it, and i don't think we should do that,

We wait for this supposedly magical reunion.,that everyone is talking about..
But i say, don't wait, just be in the moment...
If things must happen, they will...

For me , living in my truth feels like the most important.
It is not about being right or wrong then, it is speaking from a place of the heart , that cannot feel disappointed or hurt..

Something is either true, or it's not....
What you believe has nothing to do with it....
So put your trust in Truth...

Now with a little experience, i have realized that i am doing my part in the connection and that's all that seem to be asked of me.

I am learning and understanding that this relationship is a permanent one, that whatever difficulties you encounter in life, there is no leaving or closing the door behind you..

And that feels sort of reassuring, when there are so many fleeting moments in life.
The connection is on solid rock.

I also understand that we must not allow ourselves to fall into the trap of Drama.
In a way when we exaggerate things or make things bigger than what they really are , it's  a form of lie..
To deny something is really happening, is also a lie..

There are many instances in life where through fear and Ego we are tempted to lie, in that manner.
It's a form of protection, but we can't hide anything when it comes to divine love.
It's all about transparency...

Being in a twin flame has taught me a lot , about how damaging lying can be...
It is like an rotting apple that contaminates everything...
Nothing good comes out of it. and nothing ever will..

I have a French mother, and without criticizing her , she is always creating drama and gossiping about the whole neighborhood.
I find it very draining and pointless in a sense, to speak to Paul about Joe, and so on...
Who cares?
We do not get along, and we never see eye to eye...
We are so different...

I am bit like the black sheep, i am estranged from my family...
Their values are not my values, and over time, i have found best to avoid any contact altogether...

I don't like to use judgment on others, unless i have something useful to say..

For me being spiritual has nothing to do with perfection ,but about honesty.
Be honest with others, but be honest with yourself ,first...

Yes, at first,with the twin connection, there was a tendency on my part to think everything must be coming from me, and that this can't be true..
Thinking it was just my imagination...

 I felt angry, and i felt the need to deny anything was really taking place. I tried to rationalize it..

I think i felt nearly embarrassed and ashamed, perhaps i felt people would make fun of me if i started to speak truly about Spirit and the Divine within me.
I  thought people would think i am crazy, or mistaken...

I lacked confidence all my life to speak my truth.

I always was unable to share my beliefs with others, no one knows that i am a Clairvoyant, it is something like the 4th body energy, that i have dissimulated all my life...
When i read for people, i do it for free, and they are usually strangers...

I felt weird, and odd most of my life.... Being different felt something, that had to be hidden...
Even when i knew something bad was going to happen, it was hard to warn people of it...


Through the twin connection, it is giving the courage to simply be honest with who i am, and it feels  almost like a relief,, because there are so many light workers out there, all over the world..

And i don't feel so alone, talking about Spirit and reading the Tarot...

I feel free, to be who i am..

Also the expectation  i had on my twin have been released because it feels good to know, i only have to do half of the work, i am suppose to do my part, and that's all...

No one had put me in charge of our connection, i had put that burden  on myself, all on my own...


I was so clouded by doubts and fears at first, that i could not see clearly..

That's one thing that i know, when you are in lie, you cannot see anything, it is completely incompatible with the Psychic gift.

Truth is an incredibly powerful energy...

I have also come to terms that there is only one twin, and that you cannot change him...
He may grow of  his own, but there is no point exhausting yourself organizing the whole twin thing..

It does not work, the universe does not respond to control..
It only responds to love..

And yes, because our connection makes me lucky, there was the temptation to use the energy for personal gain..
And i have learned hat this won't work either, you cannot cheat the connection..

Couldn't i simply win at games of chance, and end up on a beach somewhere?
And would it fulfill my life?

I thought lying on a beach in the Maldives might not be so bad, after all...
But this is not only about me..
It's about me and my twin..

The only way to that beach, is holding hands with him...
There is two of you, selfishness is out of the question...

Is there any amount of things, i can buy before i run out of steam...
Do i need to own so may pairs of shoes?
That is the paradox of human existence,  You can have the perfect life with a closet full of designer clothes, and feel as empty as a bin...
It's where it ends up, in the bin or the recycling center, whatever you choose....
Nothing lasts forever..

Giving up all of your possession might seem far too extreme, but this new trend of minimalism, is asking a very good question..
Why do we buy so much stuff.?

Why are our houses filled with junk, and things we don't need?

I think i am guilty of being a part of this brainwashing.....

There is nothing more than i like than going shopping and spending money i don't have..
Retail therapy, they call it...

Louis Vuitton bag, and Chanel espadrilles are like the height of style, are they not?...

I knew someone who told me,, that buying Designer clothes was not her style, and that she thought it was so superfluous
Children were dying in Africa, for God's sake...

She had so much to say about it, and yet she owned 5 Plasma screens, all the latest kitchen gadgets, and a $60.000 Designer kitchen!!

But that's OK, all is well in the world, when yo have 4 ovens, 2 sinks, that you never use!!

We all trying to find a substitute for Love by buying so much shit.......

I agree that owning too much ,is  a destructive cycle, that never ends, but let's not be hypocrites, we all do it...

I don't know, if we should all adopt the Marie Kondo method, of folding your socks one way, and only keeping the thing that brings you joy...

But yes, Minimalism highlights one thing, spending money does not make us happy...

I am playing the Devil's advocate here, when i speak about shopping ,because i am into fashion blogging..

Yes! It definitely deals with the superficial aspects of life, trends, the latest bag, the latest pair of Louboutins shoes
I am definitely guilty of loving beautiful things in the shop window...

But then, i don't mind admitting that i come from a dark place, where i could barely walk, speak, and stand up...
For nearly 8 years, everyday of my life has been mostly spent in the dark, bedridden, sleeping without recovering any energy. If there was a hell, i was in it..

I could only eat with a plastic spoon,  and i ate mostly liquid and baby food.; i could not walk without help.
Even then ,i could only manage a few yards, once a month...

Being sick, is like being in a tunnel, where you lose all sense of time...

X-mas came and went, and to me it felt like a month had passed , when it all had been a year.

I could not listen to music, enjoy a film, or watch TV.
I only found comfort in sounds of nature, and you tube videos...
You tube was my world...

I never gave up, and i always held onto the belief that food was my salvation..

I saw a talk with David Wolfe and i heard testimonies of people who like me were sick, and had managed to heal themselves.completely..

And so i went whole hardheartedly into raw Organic food, despite the fact that i did not have much money, and it was costing an absolute fortune.! I made the sacrifices...

I thought i would heal, but i never did
I would get slightly better and then, relapse..
It was back to  nutritional shakes for me...
I was in a never ending battle with my body...
It was like living with the enemy...

I could not eat at some point, and i became so dehydrated that my weight fell at 6 stone, i was dying...

No one at the hospital could help me on a long term basis, i would always relapse and feel worse every time...

But i persevered with food, and i was adamant that it was the cure..

I tried every diet, and eliminated literally every food group...
In the end i was eating organic baby food, with a plastic spoon...

Nothing was working for me..

I am a firm believer of the power of the mind, and i thought you can conquer anything if you will it hard enough...

I always thought through meditation and sheer will, you can achieve anything..

An there were all the Gurus promising me great health and happiness, and all i saw was my health deteriorating...

I can say that during this time, i watched Rafael Nadal playing tennis, and i followed his matches avidly , because he believes that you must fight, and endure it all to win the match...
Somehow it made sense, and it gave me courage...

Seeing someone so talented, inspired me everyday to climb my own mountains...

It gave some rhythm and meaning to my dull life, and , it would start with the Australian Open and end with the Barclays championship at the O2 ...

My dream was to go to Wimbledon and see him play, and i can say i managed to go in 2011.

It was a great achievement for me, and despite not being able to stay the whole day, it was good. minus the journey there and back...
A painful nightmare...
But i kept on watching him on TV., obviously it never helped in any way, or healed me...

I am not asking for sympathy, but i just want to share what the twin flame experience really is about...
Because all along i was being told about Love and how it was the Key..
But for years i didn't understand, and i kept on holding on to food....

Kicking the habit has been hard,
Food to me is like the savior of all saviors..

I am addicted to healthy food, and it has become a passion, as well as an obsession.

There is nothing i like more than reading Organic,gluten free, on packets, i am also a food junkie...

There has been time where i thought i would become a nutritionist, and qualify as a consultant...

Watching David Wolfe on the internet was like my drug...
 And i though  yes, the Organic apple, let's worship the raw enzymes...

Coming from such a place, definitely gives me a different perspective on the twin flames connection as a whole..
And it also gives me a strange perspective on my twin...

It is not that i owe him something, it is that perhaps he might not understand that breathing everyday, is not something i take for granted...

I have a different view of life, in general...

For me,  his love is the Savior...